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Sands of Oblivion (2007)

(TV-MA) 90 mins

Synopsis: A replica of ancient Egypt was rebuilt in 1923 for a movie and then mysteriously buried when the filming stopped.  Now a soon-to-be-divorced archaeologist couple and an Iraq War combat veteran have uncovered the secret DeMille could not keep hidden…

Director: David Flores

Writers: Jeff CoatneyKevin VanHook

Stars: Morena BaccarinAdam Baldwin and Victor Webster 

Serious Jest:  (Cruel & Unusual Punishment) Ancient Egyptian mythology, archaeologists, Iraq War Veterans, various weapons, and dune buggies.  Sounds like a recipe for a cool Indiana Jones movie, right?  Negative.  15 minutes in, I was wondering how I was going to make it through the rest of this movie.  First off, the monster was ridiculous, but not even in a campy, funny way.  The script was unnatural, cliche, and generally awful.  The story/plot, or what tried to pass for one, was terrible, with no real set up for the puzzle that ultimately needed to be solved to beat the monster.  While this movie tried to be exciting by employing military weapons and characters, the stunts and fight scenes involving them were simple and fake-looking.  Further, the movie tried to seem knowledgeable about the military by having Webster indignantly explain to Baccarin the difference between a “jarhead” and a “soldier,” but in the same breath, the former logistics soldier referred to himself as a “grunt,” which is not an Army-specific term, but instead refers to infantrymen, which he was not.  The only bright spots in this film were the dune buggy stunts, the Ancient Egypt scene in the beginning, a small cameo by Richard Kind, and a funny-while-convincing performance by Charles Lister as weirdo Vet-turned-gun-runner Buford.  You could watch this for free at IMDB through Hulu, but I think it’s better suited for tying down your worst enemy Clockwork-Orange-style and making him/her watch it.

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About Serious Jest

Film & TV Reviewer by Choice, Attorney at Law, Marine to the Corps (excuse the pun), Nupe Under Pressure, and MC by Nature

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